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Tips to Read More Often and Create a Reading Habit

May 7, 2018 No Comments

You’ve probably heard me talk about how much my family enjoys reading. Funny thing is though, my husband thinks I’m a big hypocrite! Any time I say something about liking reading, he responds with something like, “Yeah… you say that…” And he’s not wrong. I do not make time to read at all lately. Summer is coming, and I’ve been reading the same book while proctoring both fall and spring final exams this school year. Time to knock this sucker out and get my reading mojo back.

Last year, I tried to start a book club, but it turned into my sister and I reading a book and meeting up with maybe one other person for dinner once a month. Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed it. But it turns out, I don’t really know people who want to join a book club! Thinking back on that time though, even the illusion that I was in a book club had me reading way more than the previous months. Or years. But who’s counting? While I do wish we’d kept the dinner club going, at some point I lost the motivation to read that was sparked by the book club.

My husband assumes I just don’t like the book I’m currently plodding through, or clearly I would’ve finished it. But that honestly isn’t it. Truth is, I have no idea why I can’t just make myself read at night. I don’t really have that much to be stressed about, but at the end of the day a lot of times I just want to sit and do nothing. How is reading any more stressful than scrolling Twitter and Instagram though? These days it seems like my Twitter feed just sends me into an internal emotional frenzy, so maybe reading would be the better option for my sanity anyway!

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Getting Started

The last time I was reading consistently, I was a participant in an imaginary book club. I don’t think that will work this time, because at least back then it was like, “Oh… she just already read this book, she’ll do it next month.” Or, “She had something going on already for this dinner, but it’ll work out next month.” I was so naive. Now, I’m pretty sure people just don’t want to do it.

Since I can’t use the same strategy to get me going, it’s going to take some creativity. If you’re wondering why I can’t just… decide to read more and do it… I don’t know. I don’t have that kind of personality type. If I’m going to change a habit there’s got to be actionable steps. I’ve got a few ideas of things to try, and I’ll update you in a few weeks to see if it worked out for me.

Picking a Book

Since I’m already partially into a book, I know what I’ll be reading first. But once this one is done, I’d prefer not to have to mindlessly scroll through the Overdrive library app for a book to pick. I never knew I liked historical fiction, but I read The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society* and found that there was something about the genre that I never knew I was missing. I think I liked it so much because it reads like a novel, but the events of the period are rooted in truth. There were times I found myself looking up some of the “facts” to see if they were in fact, factual. Reading an engrossing story while being catapulted back in time is pretty cool. *Update: I found out very shortly after publishing this post that this book is being turned into a movie on Netflix. If that’s not motivation to get on with reading it, I don’t know what is!

My current read is All The Light We Cannot See. It’s another from the genre of historical fiction, and I’m reading it on recommendations from my husband, mom, and nearly 28,000 Amazon reviewers. It’s a ‘jumpy’ book going back and forth between perspectives and points in time. The book is set in France and Germany during WWII, following two young people from very different backgrounds who – I’m assuming – join paths. Otherwise it’ll just be a weird disjointed tale of two kids. (Update: I finished it, and yes – I wrote a post about it!)

My plan from here though is blank. Here’s what I’m considering:

Join Kyle in the Popsugar Reading Challenge. It’s a list of prompts/categories instead of a straight “books to read” list. It allows you some freedom of choice while narrowing down the playing field. I don’t know that I’d choose the same books as him for every prompt, but there are a few on his reviews that sound like they’d be up my alley. You can view his picks for prompts 1-10 and 11-20 if you’re interested in some inspiration!
Utilize the Pinterest board I’ve been compiling! I have pinned lots of great book list pins. After my WWII experience ends, I’m thinking I may choose one of the books from the “18 Funny Novels” pin. There’s very little that’s funny about WWII, so I’ll be ready for a change.
Pick something from my bookshelf. We got rid of nearly all of our books when we read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up a few years ago, but I’ve picked up a few along the way. In an effort to clean the shelves again, I should probably read a few we already have!

Creating a Reading Habit

When I was reading a lot last year, I did a large portion of my reading on my Kindle app while rocking my newborn. (Yes, I rocked my newborn through his whole nap! He’s my last baby, and I was soaking it in. I also picked him up when he cried. And also he’s fine!) Anyway, I was able to put back quite a few e-books in that rocking chair. But now I only rock him for about 15 minutes, so it’s not really a great reading time. I suppose I could knock out a chapter per sitting though, so maybe I could try this again.

Not all of the books I read at that time were online though. I somehow created a habit of reading at night after the kids went down. Right now, I don’t even know what I do when the kids go down. It’s definitely not laundry. It’s probably Instagram.

My husband has a pretty impressive reading rate. We have family members who get his Goodreads updates, and I’ve heard people ask him if his Goodreads account is accurate before. When people ask how he reads so much, I tell them to think about all of the time they spend on social media. Replace all that Facebook time with book time, and you might have yourself a significant chunk of reading time! He also listens to audio books around the house. I’m not sure that I’m going to go there – I don’t focus well enough for that! I’d feel like I needed to constantly rewind to be able to understand what was going on.

So how am I going to break my social media habit and replace it with reading? Good question.

Replace a social media app shortcut with my Kindle app shortcut on my home screen. When I’m bored, relaxing, or whatever, I mindlessly scroll to a social media app. Perhaps I can trick myself to click on that Kindle app if it’s sitting in the place where I automatically swipe to! The negative for this idea is that it will clearly only help me get back on track for e-books. And I will probably know where I moved the Instagram icon.
Start my habit tracker back up in my bullet journal. I used to use a habit tracker religiously when I started my bullet journal. Then I kind of got burned out on it and ended up with several blank habit trackers in a row and quit even putting in the template. I might need to habit track using my habit tracker. Anyway, if I start that back up, then I’d put like “read 30 minutes” for one of the daily tracking items. If you don’t have a bullet journal, I’ve created a printable tracker for you that you can print off! It’s a tri-fold, so it can double as a bookmark. Score!

Download

Just put down my phone. I spend too much time on my phone. I’m trying to figure out a realistic “rule” for cutting down on my usage. I don’t want to lock it in a room or anything, because I don’t mind texting etc. and don’t really want to miss on messages if they come in. My problem is just if it’s always right next to me, then I grab it when I’m ready for something to do. I’m thinking my general guideline will be that instead of carrying it to wherever I am, I will make a point to put it on the kitchen counter. (Sound on, so I can hear a call/text!) Is it ridiculous to have to do this? Maybe. But hey, at least I’m trying to change!!

Make It Social

This is both the reason I succeeded and the reason I failed the last time I was reading regularly. I succeeded because I was excited about having someone to talk to about the book… (and an excuse to get out of the house every once in a while…) I failed because I assumed other people would also be really into the idea – and it just wasn’t true. This time I am going to approach it differently.

Join an online community. I’m not planning on searching for like a virtual book club with meetings or anything, but I know there are groups out there who are recommending, reading, and talking about books. I follow a few “bookstagram-ers,” so I may just jump in with one of their groups/blogs. There’s threads out there on Reddit discussing books, which honestly may be enough of an online book club experience for me. It doesn’t necessarily have to be the same people I talk to every time!
Talk to the friends I invited to book club with me last time and reach out to new friends. I know that the last book club fizzled, but we are all at different stages of life than we were last time. I no longer have a newborn. Everyone’s kids are growing up and becoming more self-sufficient. Perhaps the involvement would be different this time. Is that just me being an idealist? I also have a few new acquaintances that may be into it, so there may be room to start it up again. However, I’ve got a more realistic expectation this go ’round. If nobody sounds excited, I won’t try to force it!

Set A Goal

I wouldn’t necessarily call myself “goal oriented.” But I am “deadline oriented.” Which is a churched up way to say I don’t do things until I have to. I think if I set some sort of deadline for myself that I must finish All the Light by, then I just might be able to make it happen. How on Earth though do I enforce a self-imposed deadline?? Is that even a real thing? I do work well under pressure, but that pressure is usually from an outside force. I think I can figure it out.

Maybe I’ll write it in pen in my bullet journal, so that I have to scratch it out and forever have a record if I fail to meet the goal. That sounds like a pretty lame punishment. I’m honestly like, really okay with scratching stuff out in my journal. Unfazed.

Perhaps a reward will work better? Finish the book by May 18, and I get to treat myself to a Nothing Bundt Cake? Okay. Fine. We’ll do that one.

A Day at the Park Scavenger Hunt for Kids

April 9, 2018 No Comments

A scavenger hunt for kids is a great way to explore the world around you. My kids love them. They have minimal exposure to them, but every time we’ve done one they have had a blast. We played a New Year’s Eve game where we hid clues for the kids that lead them around the house finding photos to recap the year. I don’t know if that constitutes a true scavenger hunt, but I’m also not sure what it’d be called otherwise!

There’s also a fun app called “Klikaklu” (click-a-clue for those of you who have trouble with “license plate words” – lookin’ at you dad!) where you can create a scavenger hunt for kids or adults on your phone and share it with friends or family (or make public!) My husband’s family has used this app at our annual Christmas hotel reunion weekend (scavenger hunt + hotel = great fun, if you’re the ones participating!), and my boys have been asking me recently if we could do more scavenger hunts.

I thought it would be fun to make an outdoor scavenger hunt, and what better place to search than our local city park? Having a park scavenger hunt was also a win for me because, to be honest, I sometimes get tired of the same old park trip. We always have fun there, but there is very little way to “mix up” playing on the swings, going down the slides, and looking at/being terrified of ducks. Seriously. Why are they under the park equipment? Go to your home! Wait, is this your home?

In any case, Klikaklu is still under development for Android users, and at this time us Droidies (can we get this nickname to catch on?) can only access scavenger hunts created and shared by others, not create new ones. So I figured I’d just start from scratch and make one up that we could print and take with us. Ditch the phone and play the old school way. Incidentally, it was also a great way to get some quality time in rather than just watching them play. (If you missed the discussion on love languages, read more here!)

What Age to Play?

I made the scavenger hunt for kids ages 3-6. My oldest boys are 3 and 5, and I had both of them in mind when I created the categories. That’s not to say that an older child wouldn’t have fun – they probably would – but the target age group is 3-6. I took a young 3 and an older 3 to the park to try it out, and both of them enjoyed it and were able to participate. I included pictures on the page to make it easier for them to recall what they are looking for. This way they can be somewhat independent as they search. The younger the child, the more “reminding” you’ll have to do as you search, and the more breaks they will need as they lose focus quickly!

Learning Through Play

I’m a teacher by trade, but I very rarely do any “formal” learning activities with my 3 year old. I’m a believer in learning through play and wanted to be sure to include some age appropriate learning opportunities in the game. We were able to talk about a variety of topics throughout the course of the scavenger hunt:

Size/length comparisons

Counting

Color recognition

Physical health – talking about types of exercisers to look for, the reasons people would be exercising and why exercise is important

Imagination

Citizenship – taking care of the park by helping clean up a bit

The kids knew they were learning something, even though it was not explicit. In this picture, he had just found an item and yelled, “I’m a genius!”

And also, isn’t he so sweet in his rain boots!? These are falling apart from his hard use – time for a new pair. Totally off topic, I know, but have you seen the “Hunter for Target” collection that’s coming out?! So cute!

Prepped to Go

Before we went, I told the boys we had a fun game to play at the park and got them excited about participating. We looked at the scavenger hunt page and talked about every box and what the pictures said to look for. I also explained to them that the white boxes were to mark off the items that they’d found. They each picked their writing utensil, and we were on our way. Finny of course wanted a sparkly crayon!

I think that prepping the kids before you leave the house is essential for this activity – especially with the younger ones. If you get out of the car and say, “WAIT! We’re not just playing today!” chances are that you’ve already lost them to the distractions going on around them. After we talked about the scavenger hunt, they knew what to expect and that they had a mission upon getting out of the car. (In fact, my son had an item knocked off before I even had everyone unstrapped from their car seats!)

Ready, Set, Hunt!

As soon as we got out of the car, the boys were ready to see what they could find. They remembered as soon as they saw a squirrel shoot past that they had animals on their list. The race was on! When we got to the play area, I first let them search for things at their will. We, of course, spotted litter very quickly, and they were eager to help clean it up. (Use your judgement here – if you think litter is too gross to touch, take a look around. There’s plenty of litter that is likely not too disgusting. We found a plethora of zip ties – creepy – and left over cracked plastic eggs from Easter hunts. In fact, Finn acted like he’d just found an Easter egg with each piece of trash.)

If you spend much time with 3 year olds, you know their attention span is pretty short. I had no illusion going into the day that we would go and they would be totally focused on the hunt the entire time. We went back and forth between playing and hunting. After they played for a few minutes, I’d either say something like, “Is there a box on your sheet you haven’t checked yet?” (they loved checking items off!) Or, “Oh wow! I think I see something purple!” I wouldn’t point out an item directly, but giving them a teaser like that made them eager to see what I was seeing!

We were able to play, mark everything off our lists, and have a fun morning out of the house. Our total time spent at the park was about an hour, but the hunt could’ve been accomplished in a 30-45 minute trip.

Park Scavenger Hunt for Kids

I created this scavenger hunt in the hopes that my boys and I could have a fun out of the norm activity to do together. I hope you’ll do the same. One thing I didn’t want to come from this is stress – for me or the kids! If they’re not into it, try again another day. If you try it, let me know how it goes! I’m always open to making improvements, and would love to hear if your kids (and you) enjoyed it! Feel free to share the link to this post in your moms groups on Facebook. What do you think about a scavenger hunt for kids of different ages?

Looking for more summer fun?? Try our Summer Reading Challenge for Kids or learn How to Start a Butterfly Garden!

Tag me in your scavenger hunt photos on Instagram if you try it out! @moretimesdesigns #moretimesscavengerhunt

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Books, Kids

5 Love Languages for Children: 10 Changes To Make Today

March 12, 2018 No Comments

As a mom of three boys, it feels like sometimes no matter what I do, there are are days where the fits just won’t stop. There are times when it feels like the kids are hellbent on ensuring that I get nothing done. Then there are times where it feels like everything is going right. Smiles, laughter, and cuddles mixed in with independence and helpfulness. I try to do all that I can to make the good days more frequent than the hectic ones. But to be honest – sometimes it just feels like a crapshoot.

I do not read near as much as I feel like I should, but I do get an itch sometimes and end up browsing the free downloads on the library site. If you’re anything like me, then you can spend as much time browsing the books trying to pick something to read as you actually do reading a book. It’s exactly what happens to me in Netflix. By the time I decide what to watch, I’m ready to call it a night. The last time I got the urge to take in a book, I settled on The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman, PhD and Ross Campbell, MD, and I’m glad I did.

I don’t know what exactly made me choose it, as I’m not usually big on the self-help genre. But I guess I thought that if I’m raising three boys, maybe I should see what I could be doing better to help them become well-adjusted little humans. I’d heard someone talking about love languages in the days before seeing the book in the virtual library, so it felt like the universe was telling me something. After reading the book, making those good days more frequent feels like less of a shot in the dark, and more like something I’m actively working to make happen.

*This post contains affiliate links. If you decide to follow a link/buy a product from this post, I’ll receive a small commission at no extra cost to you! Read my affiliate statement here.

What are love languages?

In his book, author Gary Chapman applies his “love language” theory, originally developed for couples, to parent-child relationships. While this may seem a bit odd at face value, it makes sense. We are all human, and whether it be from a spouse or a parent, we all have ways that we communicate and feel loved. The basic premise is that there are five ways in which we communicate our feelings, and that each of us has a preferred love language that makes us feel valued and loved. Think about it. You may have one child who wants to be hugged all the time, and another who could do without the hugs but is constantly asking you to play with him. These two children would have different preferred love languages. The 5 love languages are as follows:

Primary Love Languages

When applying this theory to your significant other and older children, the idea is that everyone needs a bit from all areas, but that most people will have 1-2 primary love languages. As a significant other, if you know that your partner’s primary love language is acts of service, then you would want to make a point of going out of your way to regularly take on tasks to ease their burden.

What I found most interesting about applying this theory to children is that the authors state that most children under the age of 5 do not yet have a primary love language. They require regular expressions from all five categories. Since all three of my children are 5 and under, this got me thinking and wondering if I really am showing them I care in different ways. I know that I love my kids, I know that we provide a safe environment for them, and I feel like we have a very loving household. But the bottom line is that if my kids are not feeling that, then I’m not doing my whole job.

In an effort to make sure that we are thoughtfully showing each of them love from all five approaches, we made a few super easy changes to our regular routines. As it turns out, some little tweaks to what we were already doing made a big difference!

If you’re like me and tend to forget things as soon as you’ve started something new, take a minute and print off my free Love Languages Ideas recording sheet. It’ll allow you to record anything you like here, or any ideas you have as you read/later on as you begin to implement the principles of the five love languages!

Receiving Gifts

I’ll start with this love language because it was probably the one that seemed the most out of my comfort zone. I generally do not give my kids gifts outside of “gift giving occasions.” The fact that this was a love language had me thinking that maybe I’d just have to fall short. As a stay-at-home mom, our budget is pretty strict. Not to mention, we don’t like having a lot of junk! And then to top it off, we always hear about kids being entitled or spoiled, and I don’t want to turn my sweet boys into materialistic beggars who always expect something. Maybe that’s a bit dramatic.

Since reading this book, I have changed my tune. Have you ever seen a kid who was just incredibly excited to receive a gift, no matter how small? When someone gives you a gift, it is just one more way that they can show you they are actively thinking of you. And don’t gifts that someone gives you “just because” somehow seem even more special?

So how do we do this without breaking the bank?

The “Giving it to them anyway” Gift

This idea came from the book, and I have had fun with it. My kids have felt special, and I haven’t even had to buy anything extra. The suggestion from the authors was to try wrapping something you were going to give them anyway.

I did this with a shirt that I made for my son to wear to school. He even knew it was coming. Instead of just handing it to him or laying it out for him, I took an extra 30 seconds to put it into a plain gift bag and left it at his place at the table where he’d see it when he woke up for breakfast. He was so excited. His reaction to the thoughtful addition of gift wrapping made the whole thing even better for both of us. You don’t have to make your child something to do this. I also wrapped some clothes that I had bought online just because they needed new ones, and they loved that too.

The Gift of Groceries

Wait, what? Yes. The gift of groceries. Is there something ridiculous at the store that your kids are always begging you to get? For mine it is Scooby Snacks. Dog bone shaped grahams. I’d much rather just buy good ol’ (cheaper) rectangular grahams. But every once in a while I’ll buy those Scooby Snacks (or Frozen cheese or whatever the ridiculous thing is they’ve been asking for). And you better believe I make a big deal about it. I come home from the grocery store acting like I’ve brought home a puppy. “You guys get in here! You’ve got to see what mama got for you at the store! I picked it out special just for you!” It’s like Christmas. Only it’s groceries. And for about $0.50 extra I’ve pleased the masses.

Christmas Book Countdown

This one’s a bonus to implement later. I know, I know. You don’t need one more thing to do at Christmas. BUT this is a fun replacement for (or addition to) an Advent calendar filled with chocolates. Wrap a Christmas book per day in December (or just regular books!) and take some time to read the ‘special’ book the kids opened. (This pulls double duty for the “quality time” category!) If you’re thinking that 25 books is not cheap, you’re right. So we just wrap up books we already own, with a few new ones sprinkled in.

This has two effects. It breathes new life and excitement into our old books. It also makes the kids’ anticipation and joy for the new ones that much greater. Every time they open one that is new, it’s kind of like they hit the lottery. If you have multiple kids, this is also a great exercise in patience and sharing. One book a day means not everyone opens one every day!

Quality Time

How many times do you find yourself saying, “Just a minute …” or “After I finish … ” when your kids ask for help or attention? I know for me it is more often than I’d like. How often are we on the phone when our kids are just needing a few minutes of quality time? For me, it’s more often than I’d like. Since reading the love languages book, I’ve tried to be extremely mindful of my responses to requests for quality time.

More often than not, if my kids want to play catch or cars, they truly only are engaged for about 5 minutes before they’re on to the next thing. I’ve found that since saying, “Yes.” a little bit more often, my children actually can be a lot more self-sufficient while I complete whatever task I was about to do.

The average children’s book takes about 5 minutes or less to read, so I’ve also tried to respond to those requests with an immediate yes rather than put them off as well. I’m not suggesting that we should always drop what we’re doing the second a child asks us for some QT. That’s unrealistic and unreasonable, and sometimes what I’m doing is honestly important. But there are many times when whatever I’m about to tackle can wait while I read a quick story. Making my kids feel more important than laundry is a-ok in my book.

It may also be fun to try a new twist on a family favorite. My kids love going to the park, so I created a scavenger hunt for us to complete and it was a lot of fun! I shared it here so you can print it too! Following are a few ideas you can implement around the house:

Before School Snuggles

I wrote earlier in this post about my oldest son’s transition to kindergarten. He was having a very hard time adjusting to the early mornings and long days. We weren’t having knock-down-drag-outs every morning or anything, but he was just overall grumpy and uncooperative. We decided we’d try waking him up 15 minutes early for snuggles while he took some time to adjust. I’d be lying if I said he’s super pleasant all of the time now in the morning.

BUT the difference this small change has made has been awesome. He knows when he gets out of bed he’s going to get some one-on-one quality time. (If you can ignore the 15 month old crawling all over us!) Sometimes he talks, sometimes he closes his eyes, sometimes he wants his back drawn on. But he truly enjoys this time. I know this may be unrealistic for some schedules. But if you can’t fit it in before breakfast, I’d strongly encourage you to try to squeeze in some extra one-on-one snuggle time after school or in early evening some time.

Breakfast Book Club

This one is my husband and oldest son’s ritual. But I have to share it because my five year old looks forward to it so much. After he’s done snuggling with me, he goes on to breakfast. While he’s eating, my husband reads from whatever chapter book they’re reading together at the time. (Usually it’s an Astrid Lindgren tale! They’re both a bit Sweden obsessed, so Pippi is a favorite around here.) This time is pretty sacred for my son. On the few occasions where daddy’s been out of town for conferences, he is very concerned that I won’t be able to read to him during breakfast. (I do.) He loves getting to have a special time with dad, and it’s never a bad thing when a kid is into a book, right?

Morning Walk

With my younger boys, I’ve been trying my best to stay regular with a morning walk. Sometimes I feel like I don’t do a great job focusing on them for significant amounts of time when we are hanging at the house. I of course play with them, read, etc. But there’s always something to be done from housework to work-work (I teach part-time) to just wanting a minute of my own. When we’re on our walk though, we are free from distractions. We can play games like color spotting, bird/squirrel watching, or my three year old’s favorite – leaf or rock gathering. On days we don’t get out for our morning walk, I can definitely tell that the boys are more needy, clingy, and whiny. This works double duty for me too because I get a little bit of exercise guaranteed!

Physical Touch

I feel like with kids especially, this one is easy for a lot of us. In my experience, small children will often initiate hugs, snuggles, and physical play. For this love language, I wanted to think of a few ways outside of the normal day-to-day touch we engage in. Take cues from your kids. We have changed the way we interact with our middle child since reading the book. He used to get frustrated as we would initiate hugs/kisses etc. “I don’t like kisses!” he’d yell. He does not love unwelcome touching. We have changed from forced hugs to high-fives and hair tousles. I can tell since the change, the number of hugs and snuggles initiated by him have gone up.

What Am I Drawing? Game

This one is a favorite of my kids with their daddy. It’s quick and easy to do whether you’re sitting at home or out and about. They often play it in church (while they’re listening intently of course!) or at times when we are having to wait and be quiet or still. One of the kids will hop up in Kyle’s lap, and he draws a picture or writes a word on their back from a category they choose. I love hearing our 3 year old’s sweet voice say, “My category is …” Sometimes he comes up with some crazy stuff. It can also get pretty specific, like “tiger eating a mongoose.” So…. you want me to draw a tiger eating a mongoose then.

In any case, the big boys love this game so much that they also request at least one round of drawing on backs each night when laying down for bed. Sometimes all I want to do is get bedtime done with and go relax. But I realize how important it is for me to take a few extra minutes to draw a little picture and spend some extra time with them.

The Dab Hug

This is another one of my husband’s “games.” It sounds silly because it is. Instead of just tackling a kid for a hug, he engages in a “dab hug.” It’s where he pretends like he’s going to force a kid to hug him, and then dabs at the last second. If you don’t know what “dabbing” is, allow me to share with you a dabbing cat shirt. Animal dabbing is the best kind of dabbing (other than my 5 yr old’s dabbing. That’s pretty entertaining!) According to my husband, dab hugging always results in actual hugging. And giggles.

Words of Affirmation

I feel like I’m a pretty good verbal communicator with my kids. I do my best to orally praise them each time I’m proud or pleased. People have given me parenting advice like, “Don’t praise a kid for something they’re supposed to do anyway.” But I don’t follow that advice. I 100% believe that my kids need to hear that I’m happy with them when I’m happy with them. Otherwise, they may not be perceptive enough to pick up on the fact that I notice or approve of their behavior. Seriously, kids are oblivious. So I go out of my way to give them positive verbal reinforcement. I was struggled to find a way to improve in this category. What else should I be doing?

Write a Note

I have Facebook friends who have posted sweet notes that they have gotten from their kids that were written at school. I must admit, I had some jealousy because it seemed like everyone’s kids but mine write their parents sweet notes. One time I got one, but it came with a disclaimer: “Oh yeah, we had to write that.” I’d decided that maybe that just wasn’t my kid’s jam. One day I wrote him a lunchbox note. Nothing fancy, just an, “I love you, have a great day!” note. And I wrote a few more. Dad wrote a few Swedish notes.

I cannot verify that this was a catalyst for change. But I can tell you that I have gotten many, many notes this semester. Maybe he just decided to start writing. Maybe his daddy told him he’d better start writing mama love notes. Then again, maybe he realized that this is a way to express to someone that you’re thinking about them. Be the change you want to see, folks!

Acts of Service

In a relationship, acts of service are intended to be things that you do to intentionally lighten your partner’s load or to, well, serve them. It could be as simple as taking on one of their “regular” chores one day. With kids, it feels like literally my entire life is an act of service to them. I mean, if wiping someone’s hiney on the daily isn’t an act of service, what is? For this love language I wanted to think of things I was basically already doing, but that I could just modify in my delivery to be presented in a loving way.

Favorite Dinner Thursday

I am the cook for dinner more often than not. I do like cooking, but in my opinion it is already an act of service for the family. I’ve decided to instate Favorite Dinner Thursdays, which is exactly what it sounds like. I’m going to rotate and have a different family member choose a favorite for Thursday dinner each week. I have a feeling I’m going to end up with a lot of meatloaf and pork chops, but lucky for me – I like those things. It might not sound like much, but this is a way that I can turn cooking dinner into an intentional way to serve each of them individually. I make their favorite dinners pretty often anyway, but this way it’ll turn it into a special event “just for them.”

Public Service Announcement

This one is, again, Kyle’s brainchild. He has begun announcing whenever he picks something up for one of the kids. Not in like a weird way like Dennis Quaid on Ellen, “Dennis Quaid is here!” Just in a way that says, hey – I’m doing this for you so that you don’t have to. Our oldest constantly leaves his backpack and coat in the middle of the kitchen after school. Almost always, he’s responsible for coming back to hang it up.

But sometimes you clean up after your kids anyway. Instead of just putting it away unnoticed, Kyle will say, “Hey, I’m going to go ahead and put this up for you!” A service that would’ve gone unnoticed can now be appreciated. (This is also nice for the parents – a bit of appreciation goes a long way!) Note: this doesn’t work if you are sounding annoyed about it. It takes a bit of a mindset shift from viewing it as picking up their junk again to seeing it as speaking in love languages.

Mindful Responses

I don’t expect that any of these suggestions were ground breaking or novel ideas. The point of the love languages theory is that you are mindful of how you are expressing yourself. You probably already do many of these things. We have not made any huge changes. But being mindful of the ways we express ourselves has definitely made a difference in our relationships with our kids. Knowing specifically what the boys need from us has made us better parents. And if you weren’t able to pick up on it from this post, my kids have a great dad!

Speaking Their Love Languages

As the boys get bigger, they will each develop a preferred love language. I have some guesses as to what the older two boys’ will be, but I’m interested to see how it plays out! That doesn’t mean we will quit trying to fulfill all five, but there will be one that takes precedence.

Have you read about love languages before? If you’ve applied the theory to your children, what have your results been like? If not, what do you plan to tweak to start regularly hitting all five?

Looking for more ideas to spend quality time with your kids? Don’t forget to check out our Park Scavenger Hunt, & tackle this Summer Reading Challenge as a family!